Last week my friend Shawn called me, confessing that she had done something “very stupid” with regard to her kid. In the moment’s pause before she revealed her parenting faux pas, I actually found myself basking in self relief. Ah… I wasn’t the only Stupid Parent out there.
It turned out that Shawn had left her 3-month old son, Jake, locked in her car for about 30 seconds while she walked their dog into the vet’s office. She left the dog with an assistant then went to retrieve Jake. When she was through confessing I couldn’t help but feel slightly disappointed. I mean compared to the myriad stupid things I had done as a new parent, this was nothing! I was hoping for something like, “I left the kid in his car seat on the roof of the car and took off” (pending Jake was safe and fine of course).
Any parent cannot deny that having a child is the greatest adjustment life can throw at you. I never even carried a handbag before The Meemers was born. Now I am expected to leave the house with a fully packed diaper bag, prepared to handle any situation, from an exploded diaper to having to cross the Sahara at moment’s notice. But leaving the house without diapers (more than once I may add) is only a misdemeanor on my criminal record of Stupid Parenting. Take this post as a confession, as a pat on the back that your Stupid Acts aren’t nearly as bad as mine, or simply as reassurance that we’ve all been guilty of Stupid Parenting.
Offense Number One: When MeMo was just weeks old, I arrived at one of her first pediatric appointments to find her laying like a loaf of bread in her car seat behind me. As I adjusted her blanket, I realized that I had forgotten to secure the harness! I reflected on this mistake for several moments, letting the “What Ifs” overtake me like a dose of punishing torture before telling myself that I had learned my lesson and that never ever would this happen again…that is until the next time…
Offense Number Two: A month or so after my first offense, I repeated the crime! (Remember, this post is about stupid parenting.) Only this time, The Meemers was secured in her seat, but the seat was not secured to the car. Very nice.
Offense Number Three: I am sure there were several crimes committed between Numbers Two and Three, but the one I recall next (with a stubborn guilty conscience) is leaving a knife I had just used to peel MeMo’s kiwifruit within reaching distance from her highchair. Luckily at that time, The Meemers was distracted by a more engaging thought and paid no attention to the shiny, off-limits temptation laid directly in front of her. Again the What Ifs seeped in like water through a broken seal. “My goodness! My kid could have no fingers by now!”
Offense Number Four: Although I know there have been many Acts of Stupid Parenting added to my record than I am able to recall or recount, my most recent offense is one by which I am still slightly shaken.
The Meemers will not take ice cold milk from her bottle, so we allow it to warm inside a heavy glass beer stein filled with hot water before giving it to her. Earlier that morning I set the half-full glass atop a dish towel on The Meemers’ bookshelf. Thinking nothing of the glass or towel, I set MeMo in her room to play – ironically, secure behind a gate – while I took a shower. Just as I stepped foot into the tub, I heard a loud thud against the rug in her room and ran naked to investigate. There sat The Meemers staring up at me, covered in water and looking completely befuddled. She had tugged on the dish towel, pulling the water filled and very heavy mug onto herself. Luckily, by the grace of God, MeMo had avoided pulling the actual mug onto her head. The What-Ifs scenarios are streaming across my mind like a speding train as I type this. That heavy stein could have knocked my baby out!
There is a multi-billion dollar industry devoted to keeping our children safe, from child-proofing devices to car seats and even crawling helmets. But until someone comes up with a contraption to make me a smarter parent, I don’t know that The Meemers will ever be truly safe!
Both The Meemers and I have benefited from these scary incidents though. Each time I bust myself having done something stupid, I become that much more aware of The Meemers’ vulnerability and also of her resilience. I think a bit more thoroughly from a toddler’s perspective before setting her free in new environments and always double check harnesses when securing her into anything. So although scary, I guess these Acts of Stupid Parenting are making me more aware as a parent… that is, until my next offense!
